Sorry nation, I just need a minute...I just finished the most grueling race, the 78 mile extreme challenge known 'round the world as the dreaded Canadian Death Race. Through mountains, plateau and rivers, this race tests the true grit and determination of the world's toughest athletes. And I DID IT!...using my handy Segway. And what do you know? This marks the perfect "segway" to talk about the race's host, the subject of our fourteenth installment of the CCC's 28-part series, Better Know A- Lberta!

Today's feature is the riding of Yellowhead: the fightin' Tête Jaunes!

The riding is most famous for being home to the Rockies' Jasper National Park, yet another UNESCO World Heritage Site. Now, the global warming conspiracy "fearists" would have you believe that Jasper is in trouble, as sites such as the Columbia Icefield are threatened by rising water levels. But not to worry, Nation: the abundance of aqua simply means we buy some inner tubes, add a huge markup, and we've got ourselves the Jasper National Waterpark! WHOOO!

Yellowhead also features perhaps the most glorious "Giant Of The Prairies" of all, a statue in the town of Swan Hills. The name of this Giant? Battle Between Bear And Swan. Now, I've never been much of a fan of the swan; just the dainty gay cousin of the mighty duck. But to see the swan step up on home turf, literally defending its nest eggs against a godless killing machine? A tip o' my hat to you, swans; may the schwartz be with you!

And finally, the riding is home to the town of Darwell, hometown of author W.P. Kinsella. Kinsella is best known for the baseball novel Shoeless Joe, which was adapted into the classic film Field Of Dreams in 1989. Wait, you're telling me the greatest American baseball story ever told was told by a maple-syrup swilling Canuck? What kind of world have we come to? What's next, you'll tell me basketball is also Canadian? Wait, what? It is already...NOOOO! NAISMITH!!!

And which MP defends this rocky region from plagarized Canadian sports and impending bear attacks? Why, it's none other than Conservative MP Rob Merrifield, who has served the riding since 2000. Contact MP Merrifield here to turn Yellowhead into the vast, rocky Field Of Colbertan Dreams!